capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize