Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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