Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I need to calm my uterus...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize