Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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