You're completely useless in the revolution.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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