Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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