you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
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He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
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It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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