I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize