drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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