Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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