Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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