I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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