We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize