You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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