What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm like, not good at living.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize