i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize