i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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