I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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