The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize