i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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