haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize