I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
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he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
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I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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