Little spoons don't ask big questions
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize