so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
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I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
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laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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