he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
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don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
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She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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