I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Life is so much better after having sex.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
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I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
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Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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