No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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