Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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