I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He has the fingertips of a God
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