I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
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