just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize