I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize