I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You need a sexual gate keeper
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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