Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize