I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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