I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize