it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
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my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
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"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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