Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
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I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
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I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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