tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
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Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
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and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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