Duck Duck Cougar?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
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You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
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You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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