The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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