I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
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Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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