is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
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His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
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Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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