on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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