I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
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just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
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Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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