You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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