I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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