I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize