she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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