When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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